he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
