it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
