Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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