im six kinds of drunk right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh god it's open bar.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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