do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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