In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
