everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
