yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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