one might say we're banned from that church
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
