He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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