I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
