A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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