Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
