I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
