you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
