You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
