another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
