i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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