I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
3 2 1 whiskey
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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