Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
