The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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