Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want a musical about memes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
