So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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