my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
