Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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