So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
