so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
