we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize