Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
