I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
