period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize