8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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