I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
