I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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