You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
