god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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