Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
