You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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