why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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