I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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