How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
