sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Houston, we have a blender
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
