just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
