I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
