I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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