oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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