i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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