OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
