You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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