it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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