I have demons in me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
