If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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