No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
