i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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