She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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