and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
