Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
