She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
