my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My feet surprised me
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