I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
