i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
