You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
