I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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