If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
