i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
