Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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