Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
