it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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