My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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