I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
