You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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