I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
