i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
