His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
