im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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