How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You made out with two different species that night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
