1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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