So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
