That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
