If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
