I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
