I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
