Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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