I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
