So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
