your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
