i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
