remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
