Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
